Three is a magic number - apparently

First of all, a picture to amuse anyone who bothers reading this, courtesy of my webcam. Caption by AlmostRosey...

Please note that this is not a photoshopped image, I really do have a thing that goes on my nose and looks stupid.

If you don't get the Red Nose thing then you're obviously not from the UK. It's one of those telethon things to raise money for charity, this year's theme being "do something funny for money". Comic Relief. Always worth a watch, especially post-watershed when things get really rather twisted. I'm not doing anything sponsored, because I'm not that interesting so I bought a nose. Which came with stickers.

Anyway....

Saw Witches of Eastwick last night with people from work. There were 7 of us, and 5 including me went straight from work and had a meal. The strangest thing happened, which is probably not strange to anyone else but if you see my previous post you might get why; I felt like I belonged for a couple of hours. While we were sat at that table moaning about random shit I wasn't self conscious, I didn't worry that someone was going to notice my scars and make a comment because I'm sure they've already seen and just haven't said a word. Of course, now I'm back to normal and feeling isolated but there's hope. 

I was going somewhere else with this... then the wind and neighbours banging around a lot freaked me out. Pathetic? Probably. There are still the thoughts that appear with someone else's voice - almost my own but not - that tell me people are after me, that nowhere is safe and I will be found. Just who is after me... I wish I knew. That's the problem with a scientific mind; you always search for the why and how of things and expect a rational, logical answer. Things like this, the depression and irrational anxiety, aren't something that can be explained with a formula and it bothers me more than I let on. If I can find the missing piece of the puzzle, the one bit of data that will make the points plottable then maybe I can get through this in one piece without resorting to the plan. The trouble is that finding what's missing involves thinking about and remembering things that I've deliberately forgotten because I can't deal with them. So the question is do I go searching or just wait and see?